I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
