You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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