John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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