It's Friday. Sex?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
