Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize