Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
