But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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