AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
