i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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