I want to have your abortion
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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