Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
