When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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