p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
