I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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