Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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