I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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