Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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