I look better un-naked...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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