found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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