oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
