yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
