is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
