I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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