I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
