is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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