Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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