it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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