Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
