So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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