Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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