I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
