I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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