What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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