we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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