better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Terrible idea I love it
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
