i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You need Xanax blowdarts
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
