i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
