You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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