Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
