Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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