He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just pee around me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
