her vagine was all disorganized.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
