When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
