Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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