Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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