Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
do nipples grow back?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
