Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
