I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
