I just pynch a tree in the face
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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