Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
