I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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