are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize