I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
only you would photoshop your dick
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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