guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
