i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
