Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
