fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
