Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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