ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
