I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
MIDGETS
????
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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