I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
