What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
