the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
