If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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