So drunk its hurt
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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