I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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