Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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