We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
