He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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