Got a toothbrush?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
